Of Carpool Lanes and Night Blindness
Am I the only person in LA who wants to throttle anyone and everyone who drives a Prius? Now, I normally don’t drive like a complete and utter asshole (though I do drive like a maniac, my GPS’s “Max Speed” function would happily confirm this assertion), but when someone in a Prius is next to me, I do damn near everything within my power to make certain that he cannot merge into my lane. There’s just something irritating about the Prius. Maybe it’s partly how smug those Prius-driving bastards are about being able to use the carpool lane while the rest of us saps are sitting in traffic going 12. Yea, 12 MPH makes me feel wonderful. I mean, how fast does a human being run? Oh, that’s right: ~10MPH. So, as I’m sitting there in traffic…someone could almost literally catch me by running. All the motorcycles happily zipping past me don’t make me feel much better either. Nevertheless, I’ve thus far resisted the urge to, you know, open my door and watch chaos ensue.
While we’re on the subject of pet peeves related to the freeways of LA: raised trucks and unfocused and/or preternaturally bright headlights. No, I’m not anti-xenon headlights (don’t bother telling me that phrase isn’t entirely accurate, I don’t care). I simply wish the US was a little more consistent in lighting its road signs so that US regulations wouldn’t require headlights to throw light upwards. Seems a little odd to require auto-manufacturers (among others) to design headlights that will intentionally shine a portion of their output directly into the face of oncoming drivers. Oh well, no one really expects common sense from transportation authorities.
Now: raised trucks. Whereas I am not anti-xenon, I am very anti-raised truck. Raised trucks are, among other things, annoying to an extreme degree and dangerous. Why is it legal to have a vehicle modified so far outside its original design as to pose a serious hazard to other drivers and, more likely than not, the very person driving it? Oh, that’s right, most of them probably aren’t legal, but no one seems to care. Now, I’m all for taking freedoms and liberties to the extreme (go ahead and coke yourself out of your head if you want, I don’t much care), but your rights end where mine begin. To endanger others with your excesses is no longer an exercise of freedom, it is an exercise in the infringement of freedoms. More specifically: it is the infringement of the freedoms of those around you who have the right to be preserved from harm borne of your poor judgement.
In the interest of full disclosure (or something like that): I drive a relatively low-to-the-ground car (a BMW) and have a personal hatred of raised trucks. Why? Their damned lights shine right through my back window. Sure, my rearview mirror automagically diminishes the impact upon me of the decisions made by the frat boy driving behind me, but I’d really prefer his lights not be directly in line with my back window. I’m sure most people who drive cars feel the same way. It’s a real hazard on the road; not only is it distracting to have someone blinding you with a couple 50,000 candlepower lights, it is actually impairing. If I can’t see anything I sure as Hell can’t see the car in front of me.
Driving on the freeways in LA is bad enough (what with all the fantastic failures in road maintenance, poorly trained CalTrans personnel putting up cones at best haphazardly, old concrete freeways that provide the driver with a free lower back compacting, and numerous other hazards [crazy people]), adding blindness into the mix is like telling someone he has to shave a live badger. Sure, shaving a live badger isn’t an easy task, but, hey, it’s doable with a little ingenuity and some supplies. Only problem, you forgot to tell him the rules of this little game: he’s going to be 1) dressed in a toga and 2) tied to the badger with fishing twine. Oh, but it gets better: he also has to shave the badger using only one of those pink safety razors women use to make their legs look less like leg warmers and more like, um, legs. See the problem?
Headlights should shine their light downward to illuminate the roadway. I mean, that is the goal, right? Vehicles should be built within reasonable constraints. This isn’t a matter of personal freedom or liberty, this is a matter of safety and some modicum of concern for those around you. If you drive a raised truck, just grow up and get a real vehicle. No one is impressed by your metal phallus (at least no one worth impressing). If you use xenon headlights (or even worse, fake ‘xenon’ headlights), do us all a favor and make sure they are aligned. There really are few things worse than rounding a dark corner to be literally blinded by an unfocused light-blue sun. I know this rant wasn’t particularly interesting, but I’ll post something more interesting later in the week. (See what I did there? I have myself a deadline more specific than I did last time.) Hopefully some of you did my nefarious bidding and broke a silly law. If you did, post the pleasantries in the comments section below.
I say this with one caveat: if you broke the horse poo law in San Francisco, we’ll have to see some photographic proof. I mean, how else could we believe you located that many horses?
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